Each time someone shares that they are in a season of constant bickering or fighting with their spouse, I say something to the effect of,
“That’s okay. Fighting is better than apathy. Just fight fairly, and well.”
There are seasons. There are days, weeks, and sometimes months, where you feel a constant prickly tension. There are times when you wonder why you can’t seem to get on the same page. There are moments, when you voice aloud your distaste for being at odds with one another, and there are stolen moments in quiet, when you let the tears fall with no one to see.
Literally. Don’t stop caring enough to fight.
Fight fairly, though. Don’t lose sight of what a God-honoring marriage looks like. No two people, if they are being open and honest, agree 100% of the time. You see, a God-honoring marriage is not one that is void of disagreement. On the contrary, it may be filled with it at times, but it will come down to the position of our hearts. Are our hearts aligned with His? Are we willing to humbly accept when we are wrong? Are we willing to extend grace, despite our circumstance? Are we willing to listen, when we are bubbling over with words? Are we willing to fight fairly? Again, are our hearts aligned with His?
Keep fighting for your marriage, but please fight fairly.
And, look for the light. Because, friends, there are other, much longer, and better seasons. There are days, weeks, and often months and years, where the relationship is sweet. There are times when you realize that the path is smooth, not because it has been an easy path, but because of the rough days, weeks, and months, that wore away at the sharpest of edges. It is a well-worn path. There are moments, when you feel so strongly, there are no words to speak, and even in the quietest moments, the tears fall from such overwhelming joy.
There is always light.
Marriage is a beautiful, messy climb, full of crags. It’s craggy business. Craggy. I like it. One definition is “rough in a way that suggests strength”. Keep climbing. Keep fighting. Climb well, and fight fairly. Look for the light, because traversing one crag at a time keeps us moving upward, and the summit is just ahead. When you get there, be sure to turn around and check out the incredible view. Then, hand in hand, you can say, “Look what we climbed. Together.” Then, turn back around, because a new journey awaits. You’ll be stronger, ready to face new adventures. Together. Keep fighting, friends.
*PLEASE NOTE that if there is verbal, physical, mental, or spiritual abuse in your marriage, it is not my recommendation to continue in that toxic or harmful environment. If this is you, please confide in someone you trust, or call The National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.