I AM.

Life has been crazy lately.

I feel crazy lately.

Oh wait, isn’t the name of this blog about being crazy? ; )

Teething baby, terrible twos and sassy fours. Need I say more?

I love my kids.

Really. I do.

My mind is slipping some days. Some days I’m THAT mother. The one who didn’t get the memo that all of the kids at preschool could dress up for Country Fair day. Oops. “Oh, honey, but your SHIRT has a pumpkin on it! That is SO special! You have the coolest costume of all, because you are YOU!” Yeah, lots of special talking to the four year old that morning… Ugh. So embarassing.

Good thing I’m not dramatic or anything. ; )

Alright, well, truly, life HAS been crazy around here lately, but I am learning and growing every day (okay, well MOST days!). I may have laundry in piled up, dishes in the sink, clutter on the cabinets, and the list goes on… BUT I am so incredibly thankful for a Lord that will walk through every stage of my life with me. He doesn’t chicken out when I feel like curling up in a ball on the floor, putting my hands over my ears and singing, “I can’t hear yooouuuu…”. What? You’ve never felt that way before? Pshaaw! *clears throat* Me either.

Okay, but really. He is the only consistent thing in my life some days – and he meets me in my moment of need. In Exodus chapter 3, Moses asks God what he should say is the name of God and God answers with, “I am who I am.”. I am. Now, I’m not a Hebrew scholar or anything, but in the footnotes of my Bible it says that an alternate translation could be “I will be what I will be.” Seems kind of generic, right? I would say that even though that sounds generic, it is actually very specific. You see, God is God. I am not. He is all powerful and all knowing. I am not. I can look around at my present situation and my mind will usually lean toward thinking in the here and now – I do not have the bigger picture. But God does. He looks down and he knows exactly what I need(which is usually what I don’t think I need) and he knows how to meet me there, in my time of need. He is specific to me at any given time, just as he is specific to another believer at any given time. The great, all powerful, all knowing God is not a generic God at all – he is specifically what we need. When we follow Christ, in faith, we have a relationship with the God of the universe! “I am.” Shortly after He refers to Himself as “I am”, he tells Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers–the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob–has sent me to you.’ This is my name forever, the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation.” I love this! Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were different men, with different lives, but God remained consistent between them. He is the same God and He never changes, but His attributes apply to everyone. Scripture is laced all throughout with many names for God. He IS what you need, no doubt about it. Life may not always be peachy, but we have a hand holding ours, and at times arms carrying us if needed.

A few years ago I had the privilege of seeing Nichole Nordeman, live in concert. She is such a talented singer/songwriter and there was one song that she sang that has stuck with me ever since. The song is called, “I am”. I know this song by heart and it has turned into my own little lullaby for my children when it is the middle of the night and I’m rocking a crying baby to sleep or pacing the floor with a sick baby in my arms. I think I’ll tie up this post with the lyrics to the song, because they really speak to me. Sometimes I need the reminder that I cannot be all that I need for myself. I have to depend on an all knowing, all powerful God to meet my needs, no matter how trivial they may be. I hope that you can be blessed by this assurance as well.

Pencil marks on a wall
I wasn’t always this tall,
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed,
You watched my team win,
You watched my team lose,
You watched when my bicycle went down again,

And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only 16, life is so mean, what kind of curfew is at ten PM
You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again

When I was weak, unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Heart-ache Healer, Secret-keeper,
be my Best Friend” and You said “I am”

 

 

 

 

 

 

You saw me wear white, by pale candlelight,
I said forever to what lies ahead
to kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
too much it might seem when it’s two AM

When I am weak, unable to speak,
still I will call You by name.
“Oh Shepherd, Savior, Pasture-maker,
hold on to my hand,” and You say “I am.”

 

 

 

 

 

The winds of change,
And circumstance blow in and all around
us so we find a foothold that’s familiar,
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer
Life had begun, I was woven and spun,
You let the angels dance around the throne, who can say when,
But they’ll dance again, when I am free and finally headed home

 

 

 

 

 

 

I will be weak, unable to speak,
still I will call You by name
“Creator, Maker, Life-sustainer,
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and
the End, I am, yes, I am.”

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