I am learning to trust. Not just a surface level trust, that is dependent upon circumstances, emotions, or feelings, but a deep trust that transcends my own nature and tendencies. It is a deep seated trust that stems from my heart.
This is difficult because I like to have control. I have many traits of a “Type A “ personality, and relinquishing control is often quite challenging for me.
Merriam-Webster defines trust as “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something”.
In my case, I am learning to trust God. To trust that His character is good, that his ability is more impressive than my own, that his strength is immeasurable, and that He is truly more than enough for me. I believe all of these things. I always have known these things to be true, but fully trusting and yielding to Him, in all things, can be a struggle at times.
I tend to say, “Oh, I’ve got this.”, yet I hear His Spirit tug on my heart, saying, “But you are not me. I know best. Please trust me in this.” I hear it in the smallest issues, to the larger, seemingly impossible situations. Even when it is hard.
His ways are higher.
I am growing. It is not perfect growth, and there are times when I take a step or two backwards, but there is growth, and for that I am grateful. God is patient and gentle with me through this journey. He is a gracious and kind Father. I pray that there is always growth.
It is really an issue of the heart. Is my heart yielding to His way over mine? Am I fooling myself into thinking that I still have some control over my life, when I have made a choice to follow Jesus? Do I remember that Jesus asks me to not look back, but to follow Him wholeheartedly, in every area of my life? “My” life, which is not my own anymore…indeed, it is foolish to believe that I can seek control over my life and still follow Jesus wholeheartedly.
My reliance on Him cannot be dependent on seeing the entire map for the journey. Perhaps the journey looks like Abram’s journey, when God called Him to go. Abram did not have a map or a detailed itinerary for His journey. God simply called Him to go. He, did, however, have the ultimate tour guide for his journey.
My reliance on Him cannot take on a worldly view of “well, he has to earn my trust first.” God has nothing to prove, because he has already provided the ultimate proof of His love for us. Do we really need additional proof of His good character, compassionate nature and unconditional love for us? No, we certainly do not. As a matter of fact, His provision for us, through the cross, should be sufficient for us to run quickly to Him, without abandon, thrusting it all at His feet.
Jesus is enough.
When I trust Him, there is peace. There is assurance in giving myself away, for the joy of trusting the Lord. Oh, my sin nature fights it sometimes, but letting go is such a sweet thing. We can rest in Him, who is perfect, and not in our flawed selves. I mess up, but He is faithful and constant. My God does not mess up.
I can rest in Him.
“You will keep in perfect peace the mind that is dependent on You, for it is trusting in you. Trust in the Lord forever, because in the Lord, is an everlasting rock!” ~Isaiah 26:3-4